Dear Casey (19 months)

Dear Casey,

You are 19 months and I really meant to be writing stuff down more often but the holidays were here and I was too busy and distracted to even attempt. (Also, you will learn as you get way older that I get a little stressed and overwhelmed around the holidays but I am trying really hard to make them special for you.)

It was so much easier to write about you when you were just hitting milestones.

You rolled over! Yay!

You started eating! Yay!

You are walking! Yay!

You are still hitting milestones, of course, but it is much more than that. You have a will now. You have thoughts and plans and schemes and frustrations and feelings. I can see all of them in your perfect eyes. And you are talking a lot. Some words very clearly. Outside. Airplane. Apple. Bubble. But you can't always verbalize what you want or need and I know it is frustrating for you. It is frustrating for me, too.

And sometimes you take your frustration out on Rose. (That was your first two-word phrase : NoNo Rose! And Rose sounds alot more like 'wos') And so do I, so I get it. This is just a phase little baby. As Grandma Lauri says, 'This will pass." And that is what I want to talk about.

All of this will pass.

I can already tell how much quicker this year is going. I just want it all to stop. Or at least slow down so I can enjoy it. Spending days with you is the most fun I have every had. I really mean that. We have TONS of fun together. We played this game tonight when you in the bath. You would call my name, I would lean towards you, you would splash, and I would pretend you got me all wet. You laughed forever. It was the absolute best.

Know that I am trying to soak it in. And know how much I absolutely adore you. And know that my love for you has no limit at all. You really must know these things.

And also know that being a mom is hard and there are lots of days where my exhaustion/frustration/lack of self are through the roof and it is hard to remember how important these days are. These incredibly special years.

I know you won't really remember, but I just had to write it all down. Because we are on this journey together. Figuring out life and all that. And it really isn't easy at all.

(When I starting writing, I was really planning on keeping it light. Sorry, kid. You get what you get.)

Love you.